It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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