I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
