can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
