Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
