He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
