you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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