Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
