I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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