ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
