genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
