I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
