I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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