I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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