In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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