I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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