anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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