The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
