he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
