The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
