I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
