The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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