I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
