i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
