Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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