What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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