The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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