just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
