We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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