Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
