I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
