I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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