1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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