When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
