Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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