Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
