you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
