dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
