nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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