not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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