Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
