I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
