If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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