I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
