i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
