I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
