I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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