Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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