I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
