Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
