I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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