I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
