The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
