Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There r osticjed everywhere
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
