never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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