I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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