im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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