i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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