You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Can Purell be used as lube?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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